We All Must Die a Bit Before We Grow Again

The past couple of weeks have been pretty awful. However, I've always thought that the time when you're the most heartbroken is the time to think of the things you are most grateful for. So, I wanted to create a list of the things that I am most grateful for now.

1. My mom. I don't know what I would do without her. Period. She has always been the biggest support of my life. I am grateful for the technology of cell phones that allows me to call her whenever I need to talk to someone, which sometimes ends up being multiple times in a day.

2. Friends. Without my friends, there is no way I would be as ok as I am now. The second I needed them, they all surrounded me with their love and support. I am indebted to them for everything they've done for me lately. Every day, I have at least one person making sure I'm doing alright, inviting me out to lunch, or over to dinner, or just stopping by for a chat. These friends have kept me sane. I am also grateful for the words of comfort that they have offered me. There are a select few people that just have the ability to make me feel better no matter what.

3. My roommate. She deserves a special thanks. She is super busy, but always takes time from her day to ask how I'm doing. I am grateful for the nightly conversations we have, and for the amazing comfort and revelations I receive from those conversations. She puts up She is amazing.

4. My Ariel costume. I recently got a job where I get paid to dress up as Ariel and go to little girls birthday parties. I recently received my costume for said job and it made me so happy!

5. Disney magic. I still believe Julie Andrews when she says "Dreams do come true."

6. I am grateful for Skype. I just talked with one of my best friends who lives in China for an hour and a half for free... not to mention the fact that I got to see her face. I miss her so much. She always knows how to make me feel better. I haven't talked to her in about a month, so it is such a blessing in order to be able to speak to her face to face even though we are on opposite ends of the world.

7. Memories of things that can make you laugh no matter what. More specifically, memories of my good friend Tatem's special little dance, and the video of Hobo Alex hitting Ryan in the head with a corn-dog and chasing him across the lawn. It never gets old.

8. Star Wars the Musical. Probably the worst musical ever written. Enough said.

9. My first paid acting job. I got offered paid acting gigs by 3 places: Missoula Children's Theatre, Kingsmen Shakespeare Festival, and The Neil Simon Festival. It's nice to be wanted.

10. I am grateful for the memories of good times. Even though it is often painful to remember the good times past, I wouldn't go back and change a single second of it for the world. I am grateful for the things that I have learned in the past 6 months. I am grateful for the heartache too. I have learned so much about myself within the last couple weeks. It has been a struggle to keep the self confidence I gained over the 6 months, but I have somehow managed to hold onto it for the most part. I have had to rely on my Heavenly Father and have strengthened my testimony of the hope that the gospel offers. Though I've experience a whole lot of pain and heartbreak lately, I am grateful for it. There is a quote from The Fantasticks that states, "There is a curious paradox that no one can explain. Who understands the secrets of the reaping of the grain? Who understands why spring is born out of winter's laboring pain? Or why we all must die a bit before we grow again? I do not know the answer, I merely know it's true." I know this to be true. Sometimes we need to hurt more than we ever thought was possible in order to grow. It's the same when we exercise our muscles; as we exercise we tear the muscles a tiny bit, which makes them sore. However, the soreness is what show you that your muscles are repairing themselves, and because they are healing, they are strengthening. I have been given a chance to grow and I am grateful for it.

There are so many other things I have to be grateful for, but these are just the ones that are on my mind at the moment.